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What's that sound?

Lub dub
Lub dub
Lub dub
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It's the sound of that muscle in the centre of your chest that keeps your lights on and your brain active for an entire lifetime. Your old ticker. Your heart.

It's arguably the most important part of you, and yet, when it comes to communication, it's often treated as a nuisance, getting in the way of rational thought. Why?
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Generally, humans struggle with emotional content. Emotions, like nature itself, don't contain straight lines. They don't fit in boxes and spreadsheets, and units of work. They are fluid and dynamic.

They are also necessary. They contain valuable information, that, when welcomed, can become very helpful. So let's agree to invite them in, rather than ignoring them.

Heart first, then head.

What it looks like is this...
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Before we start talking about the content of the conversation, the ‘it’ part, the emotions need to be addressed. We're not talking about busting out an acoustic guitar and sitting in a sharing circle in Thai fisherman's pants.

It is simply to acknowledge the other person has emotion and charge around the issue just as you do, but for different reasons. This emotion needs to first be addressed before jumping into solution mode.

It can be addressed in a very simple statement that might be, “So I can understand your perspective better, can you tell me what’s concerning you about this and why?”

This signals to the other person you actually care, that you are approaching this with compassion.
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Lub dub
Lub dub
Lub dub

You've got this.

Love,

PS. Next week we'll explore the fifth and final principle of how to have better difficult conversations: 'And' over 'Or' - it's where hope and possibility take centre stage, like Nick Cave.

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